What It’s Like To Be Sick As A Parent…

So yesterday I was struck down with either a vomiting bug or food poisoning. Couldn’t tell you what it was.  It came out of nowhere, wreaked havoc and then left! I  collected the kids from school, got homework done and then literally spent the rest of the day hugging the toilet bowl.  I’m up there puking away in the en suite and of course the kids end up in there with me.  There’s me trying to reclaim some of my dignity while I sit on the en suite floor and the boys are asking me all sorts.  “Did you really get sick Mammy?” “Was it gross?”  “Can I see?” The 6 […]

Being Organised Is Pointless…

Parenting –  Be organised and leave the house in plenty of time for school.  Arrive at the school with time to spare. Park. Turn off the ignition. Take a moment to relax.  This is the point where one child will say “Oh. I was supposed to bring in my favourite book for World Book Day” Debate leaving it so he learns a lesson but let Parenting Guilt get the better of you.  Drive back home in full blown rant mode at your child about responsibility. Maybe throw in that it’s costing more petrol money driving back home and back to school again. Get home and send your child in for […]

When Coughs Ruin Lives…

Coughs.  They’re so f*cking annoying.  It’s the 5 year old’s turn to have one right now.  I got him some cough medicine over the weekend. He hates the taste of it and every spoonful he has to take gets more dramatic than the last.  He gags. Cries. Scrunches his face up in agony. Clutches his throat. Gasps for a drink of juice to take away the – apparently – painfully agonizing taste that is cough medicine.  It appears to be doing f*ck all too so that’s great.  Like most coughs, during the day it doesn’t appear to be too bad. Then the night comes. The dark hour. Last night was […]

Don’t Ask A 5 Year Old How Your Eyebrows Look…

So on Saturday we went out for dinner. You can read about how that generally goes down here – The 10 Steps Of Bringing Your Kids Out For Dinner. I’m one of the victims of my eyebrows being plucked to death back in the day.  10 years ago when we got married in Italy I was sent to a salon to get my eyebrows done. I knew by the length of time she was plucking them that there must be nothing f*cking left. And there wasn’t. She left me with two tiny lines over my eyes. They’ve never been the same since.  Anyway, I’m addicted to Gimme Brow. I use it every […]

The 10 Steps Of Bringing Your Kids Out For Dinner…

Step One: It’s the weekend. You’ve cooked your kids meals all week that you’ve mainly scraped into the bin. You confidently decide that going out for dinner today is a great idea.  Step Two: Declare to the family that you’re going to go out today for a nice family meal. Spend a stressful 45 minutes trying to get everyone ready and in to the car. Step Three: Spend the entire car ride saying “No” to the 57 times the kids say “Can we go to McDonalds for a happy meal?”  Step Four: Completely under estimate how busy all the restaurants are and ensure that by the time you find somewhere, […]

Back With A Bang…

Aaaaand we’re off. 😉  Day 1 of School 2017. I threw myself back into the role of saying things like “Hurry up and put your trousers on!” “Where’s your shoes!” “Have you brushed your teeth?” “No you can’t watch telly it’s time for school!”  Lots of petty arguments between them were had. Daggers looks thrown at each other and a few “I hate you’s” thrown in too.  Anyway they were pals again by the time we all got in the car.  The 5 year old wanted to bring in his match attax folder full of cards.  We walked along the narrow path over to the school, the boys chasing each […]

Are You Having A Laugh?…

Yeh. It’s time for school to open again.  And I don’t care if there’s a flu epidemic and some lunatic suggests the schools should stay closed. I’m bringing them to school on Monday whether it’s opened or closed.  By the way I’m acutely aware that only a few weeks ago I was complaining of school runs and lunches and couldn’t wait for the Christmas break with them. I’ll be doing that again by Tuesday. That’s just how it goes. Welcome to parenthood. 😉 They are literally arguing over anything now. Anything. The air that they have to breathe in together  is only short of becoming an issue.  Yesterday I stuck […]

When Your Plan For A Lie In Backfires Spectacularly…

    School finished up. Whatever made the 5 year old throw up I don’t know but thankfully, it didn’t amount to anything and we all survive another day!  We finished up work. The Christmas shop was done. All good.  The boys went to bed later than usual, and I decided on a plan to keep them up in their rooms when they inevitably woke at 7am this morning.  I gathered up their lego advent calendars, the tablet, a few games and 2 cereal bars – highly nutritious!  I went to bed smugly imagining their joy in the morning when they saw the bundle. Visions of them quietly building their lego […]