If You Said What You Were Thinking At Bedtime…

It’s 8pm. 

They’ve been up since 6am. 

You’ve had a nice day and all (well, sometimes) but, you know.. it’s bedtime. 

Cereals are eaten. Teeth are brushed. Off you go.

“Mammy will you read a story?”

Sure. Pick one.”

Kids proceed to argue over which book to read. 

“Can you just pick a f*cking book?” 

They eventually pick one and I read it. 

But there’s a question about something or a random statement about something unrelated every 2 pages. 

“Kids, it’s late. I don’t particularly care that Mr. f*cking Tickles is sad because it’s the end of the day and he hasn’t tickled anyone yet. Can I just get to the end of this shit?” 

The story ends. I turn off the light. I give kisses and say goodnight. 

And I begin to exit the room. 


“For f*ck sake.”

Enter random bizarre question here. 

“We’ll talk about that tomorrow by which time I hope that you’ll have completely forgotten. Now will you go to f*cking sleep please?” 

I say goodnight again and leave the room. 

About 15 minutes later there’s a creak on the landing. 

I go up to investigate and it’s one of them ‘just coming down to go to the toilet’.

“Mammy can I come down for a while?” 

“Awww. Sorry honey but Mammy wants one f*cking hour of the day to herself and also I want to scoff those jellies that you’ve forgotten about. So no sweetheart. Now f*ck off back to bed.” 

Night night.

Sweet dreams. x


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