1. Anticipation. The build up starts months beforehand. Spending your wages in Penneys buying way more tops and shorts than any of you will need for a week in Spain!
2. Packing. You’ll pack about 3 weeks early and have to repack the whole thing the day before because you’ve forgotten what you put in there..
3. Cleaning. The house needs to be SPARKLING before you go! You’re wrecked by the time you actually get up to go to the airport.
4. The airport drink. It’s the law in Ireland practically. If you don’t take a picture of your passport and drink – no matter what time of day or night it is – you may aswel not have gone..
5. Baggage reclaim. You’ve landed. It’s hot. You’re all a bit tired and just want to get to the hotel but the carousel at baggage reclaim takes about an hour to just start moving. Fun times.
6. The Hotel. You can’t check in for a while so you sit in the bar sweltering in your jeans and order a cocktail to get into the holiday mood. The kids will beg to do everything immediately.
7. The Pool. It’s Day 1. You rock down to the pool in your swimwear, practically blinding everyone you’re that pale. Arm bands, swimming rings, sun cream, towels & snacks ready for the day. You’ll spend a large portion of the day breaking up arguments over who splashed who.
8. The Beach. It’s Day 3 and you decide to do a day at the beach. You spend the guts of an hour getting set up on your beach chairs that you’ve paid €9 for. You’ve only just cracked open your cheap Sam Miguel can from the local Supermercado and the kids are saying they’re bored of building sand castles.
9. Sand. The Beach idea goes to shit fairly quickly. At least one of the kids will rub their eyes and get sand in them. No matter how much you wash everyone off sand will be EVERYWHERE. You’ll still find some in your handbags and suitcase long after you’ve gone home.
10. Walking. You’ll spend a lot of your holiday walking along the strip while the kids beg for more shite at Every. Single. Stall. You may want to consider taking out a loan or remortgaging to pay for this.
11. Food. Odds are your kids will be picky as f*ck and will refuse to eat pretty much everything because it’s not the same as home. They’ll live on a handful of chicken nuggets, garlic bread and sweets for the week.
12. Tantrums. It won’t be long before the heat, late nights and lack of proper food will get to the kids and there’ll be strops and sulking over the tiniest thing. You’ll remind them several times a day that you paid good money for this holiday and they should smile and enjoy it!!
13. Going home. You’re all tired and now it’s time to stand in a massive queue at the airport to check in your bags. If you’re still talking to your Husband/Wife and the kids are still alive at this point you’re having a successful holiday.
14. Landed. Ah, that blissful moment you land back on Irish soil. The relief. You strut through passport control acting like the security guard is your bff just because you’re home.
15. Back to reality. You’ve a mountain of washing to do. You contemplate just f*cking the suitcase out a window. You all have to drag yourselves out of bed and getting the kids dressed for school is hell on earth.
16. Freedom. The kids are in school. The husband is back in work. You’ve barely taken a pee by yourself in over a week and FINALLY you’re alone. Now THIS feels like a holiday! 😉